| Time is standing still |
[25 Oct 2004|01:33am] |
Man.
I really am trying to get to sleep, but it's taking a lot of effort. My head's in a spin right now. I wish I could shut my brain off. This sleepless night is going to come back to haunt me tomorrow, I can feel it... I wish I could stop feeling so guilty for everything. Guilt and regret are two emotions that seem to plague me. There isn't even anything that specific.. I just hate myself for what I am right now. I need some backbone, and I need to grow the hell up and figure myself out. I feel like this year is zapping all of my strength.. I feel like the world's biggest liar, the biggest phony. It's funny how I can be so optimistic when I'm so desperately, fucking confused. But why complain? It's such a worthless, indulgent thing to do. It's never gotten me anywhere, and I don't want to turn my friends off and irritate them more than I already have. Maybe it's too late... I guess I've been pissing people off lately. Thinking about that gets my defenses way up while at the same time makes me feel really shitty and sorry. Things are actually pretty normal now... My weekend was fine, the past week was liveable.. I don't really understand what's brought on this whiney, incoherent teen-angst filled rant. I suppose it could be all the things I've been feeling that I've chosen to ignore. Lies.
Time is plodding along sooo very slowly... wouldn't I just love to fastforward, to skip the next two years. A change would be so very refreshing. I need to get out of here, leave all this behind. That would be the easy way out though. I could easily better myself, if I were to actually try at something for once in my pathetic existance and not cop out like I always do. I hate saying this, but there are about 2 million things I just wish I could change about myself. I'm so... ahhh... shut up brain.
Smarten up already, you slack, slack person. Go to bed, dammit. Tomorrow's another day... Ugh, what a terrible thought.
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| moody |
[16 Oct 2004|11:32pm] |
I am so desperately and terribly alonnneee....
I guess I deserve it.
I wouldnt exactly call myself a nice person today. Anyway, i'm not going to start on that. My night was okay.. I've been covering everyone's tracks and hiding the evidence. Mom likes to bombard me with questions, but I'm pretty slick. I dont even have to directly lie to her face either. Although I'm fairly certain one of the reasons I'm grounded tonight is because of her suspicions. Well.. and the fact i swore at her today.. not very nice..
hmm.. thats interesting.. i hear footsteps on my porch.. what the hell...I'm goign to investigate. Then all we can do is pray.
Hmm.. that went rather well. No Scream-masked, scythe-wielding maniac waiting on my doorstep to hack me to pieces. how dissapointing. Anyway, I hope whoever went to Alan's is having a good time. Still wondering if Sandra and Susan went. and if mallory got her Cabana Boy.. hah..
Oh and.. what do i do with all this music stuff? Bruce was going to drop by and pick it up.. i told him not to rush. its not a problem really.. actually, if i get the car on tuesday i'm sure i can drop it off.. perhaps at AJ's or Ian's? somewhere local I hope.. anyway.. we can sort this out.
I'm pretty happy to be alone right now. I just watched a really good movie.. "Supersize Me". Man its great. I dont think I'll ever eat at Mcdonalds again. BLEEHHHHH.. disgusting.
Hmm.. I wish I could get rid of this nagging feeling that things are going very badly in the social department. I know I'm not just being paranoid. Not sure what else to say on this.. I dont feel inclined to spill my guts to this stupid thing. I guess I'll have to address the situation itself. if i ever do. hey, what the hell.. i dont think anyone reads this lj anyway..
What is going on? Is it me? Am I being a terrible rotten bitch? I'm inclined to say yes, but I don't think I'm the only one being unpleasant. I wish I didnt think I could read people so well, because I'm picking up some not so great stuff. Bad vibes and the lot.
Shut up shut up shuttt uppp
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| It's been a long, long, loooong time |
[11 Oct 2004|05:44pm] |
Okay, so I'm trying my hand again at this livejournal thing. Feels weird. Anyway, there was a certain something I wanted to express.
Numbero Uno:
okay.. i dont wanna get my hopes up TOO high but..mom's going away. Wednesday and Thursday.. Freedom! I guess i'll be taking full advantage of this oppurtunity.. so it looks like a get-together will be in order. All are welcome. (Of course.. I'm being exclusive when I say "all".) Anyway, things look good. I'm gonna be recruiting my Ace Team to help "decorate". More on this.. later.
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[12 Apr 2004|02:47pm] |
Last night I missed the movie night.. how was that guys? Krista, I tried to call a couple of times after 9, but no answer. ah well.. i'm sure there's more to come. i'd like to schedule a Holy Grail- viewing party.. I'm sure Abby can back me up on this one.
Speaking of timeless comedies, has anyone seen the show The Critic? i think it's by the same guy who produced The Simpsons.. and it is so so funny. actually the main character was on an episode or two of the simpsons.. anyway, funny stuff. in some ways better than The Simpsons. the main character is even more of a loser, which i like.
Anyway, not much else to be said. It's nice outside, methinks i'll go for a walk.
ciaoder all
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| A sunshiney-soggy day |
[09 Apr 2004|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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I went driving. it was muddy. and soggy. and not fun.
mom was being a back-seat nazi, so that put a damper on the totally novel experience of driving to wood islands.. after much arguing over whether or not i should make a u-turn, and much backing out near the much-hated william bell's house, i decided to drive down to the ferry. THEN I hit a fucking bird, which was terrible. actually he hit me.. little prick. but i still felt really bad. not quite sure if the damn thing is dead or not, i'm almost certain i saw it hobble away; a defeated clump of feathers and blood.
so after that little excursion, i decided to pop in on my good friend tracey. it was around noon, so of course she was still sleeping off the previous night's sins. damn sinner. anyway, i sneaked into her room and crouched down in a baseball-cather's stance, growling and hissing and doing a pretty bad imitation of golem. she woke up and told me to get the hell out. i was CREST-FALLEN (word of the day). then i went home, but not before i received scoldings for not making a wide enough turn upon entering the driveway. i then took that oppurtunity to tell the woman that someone who had her share of driving-mishaps, and has driven into AND backed into the ditch on more than one occassion is in no position to critiscize.
anyway, it'll be off to spring shaker in less than a month.. and i can't waiiiiiiiiiiit.. unless c-rine drops a bomb on me by changing her mind . or her stupid parents lock her in the basement again. YOU'RE TAKING ME, FOUL TEMPTRESS! and it will be sooo much fun.. and you guys arent going. mwah ha.
anyway, enough of this gay banter. my dog's locked in the car with the windows up. i better go turn the engine on. damn dog
ciaoder
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[08 Apr 2004|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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Yesssssssss I just figured it all out!!
After Susan explained it to me, that is
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| sad movies made me sad |
[08 Apr 2004|07:09pm] |
Ugh.. what a crap-fest. there's no other word to describe it. another downer-day.. this fuckin sucks. i'm so dang-blasted bored!! wow.. lotta hyphens in this one folks. i'm so lonely i almost wish mom was here..... nah.. i cant honestly say that haha.. but i am really lonely! So come on everybody, gimme a group hug!......and uppers, lots of uppers. Anyway, a subject-change is in order.. this griping is getting a little out of hand. (actually i'm more worried that i'll start to sound a lot like someone in particular who shall not be named, but i'm sure a few of you know who i'm talking about)
Oh, and apart from the days off of school, easter sucks. just a little holiday cheer for all of you! But i hope you all have a happy one anyway.
Song of the momento-Straight outta compton (niggas wit attitude!)
new idea! best upper-songs.... too tired to make this now. you do it.
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| I have Repented |
[07 Apr 2004|11:04pm] |
I didn't mean that, I love everyone, especially the person who I just wrote that last entry about.. even if she (who is sandra)can't tell the difference between lord of the rings and any other movie that isn't lord of the rings. maha
but seriously folks, has anyone seen this movie Rain? New Zealand flick.. which for some strange reason, is not Lord of the Rings. It's good, I think it's good. But it has made me sad.
Are you guys sure you haven't seen it??
Question: Has Mike Judge directed any other movies besides Office Space?
kiss kiss!
Sarah-Dumpfy (I dont even know how you pronounce that, Sooz-o)
Ps: kudos to san and sooz for the Krista Boudreaux/trying-to-turn-butter-into-cream incident. sorry I missed it.
Extra kudos to Johnny Depp. just because he's hot, and does a damn fine Buster Keaton imitation.
gosh, i hope he reads this...
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| When will the madness end?? |
[07 Apr 2004|12:33am] |
Okay, so it's sleepin' time I suppose. I played Goldminer (I was so tempted to use the word hardcore, I gotta get a grip on myself here) consecutively for FIVE HOURS!! No, not completely, but it seemed like a long time. Especially when my mongrel of a mother ever so sweetly asked what the hell i was doing at up at this time of night, which prompted me to very eloquently tell her to burn in the firey torment of hell. Then we all had a good laugh over rosters and sherry. (what's a roster? i only used it because it sounded so darn snooty.) Man, I do not feel well.. but i have reason to celebrate. SPRING SHAKER IS ON THE HORIZON!
I had so much else to say.. but I forgot.. see you guys tomorrow, afternoon that is, as I have a doctor's appointment
I wonder who reads this thing anyway..
mm.. listening to the ideal sleepsong, which gives me an idea..
Best sleepy-pretty songs
1. Those to Come- The Shins,(I'm pretty sure it's the Shins)
2. Jesus Etc. - Wilco
3. Mockingbirds - Grant Lee Buffalo
4. Portrait of Tracey - Jaco Pastorius
5. Sail to the Moon - Radiohead
6. The Cello Song - Nick Drake
7. Amsterdam - Coldplay
8. Mad World - Gary Jules (remake of a Tears for Fears classic)
9. Something Vague - Bright Eyes
10. Track 4 - Sigur Ros
if any of y'all can add to that, it would be much appreciated.. sleepy music is vital for my mental state. so if i suffer from a nervous breakdown in the near future, it's all your fault.
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| New Thought |
[06 Apr 2004|08:45pm] |
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Scratch that. Susan is now the Livejournal Queen. The crown has been handed down to her by that Peter guy. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!
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| Oh Grapejuice where art thou? |
[05 Apr 2004|06:20pm] |
I don't know diddly about making a livejournal. All in favor of helping sarah improve on this little endevour, say aye!.. well you can say more than that. I don't know how to make this thing more fancy shmancy, like that peter lofstedt's one.. impressive! I am listening to i believe in a thing called love, and feeling full of love and cookies. Yep, I'm a happy girl. A quite lovely stone happening here, and i'm enjoying it immensely. except now my tummy is sore... ow.....
(8)Touchin youuuuuuuuu, touchin meeeeeeeeeee!!(8)
PS: I have very stupidly, very tragically misplaced something very important to me. and this wasn't your average-joe, peasant grapejuice. this is the real deal, Welch's GRAPE JUICE!... Where the hell did i put it??
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| Fucked-up Drama-Mayhem |
[03 Apr 2004|11:32pm] |
Bad...... Worse.......Fuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng terrible! Ahh! Can't get over it. Allow me to vent, as I find it to be very therapeutic.
On second thought.. I'm tired.. and would as soon try to forget that eventful night.. well the last hour which including lots of yelling and disappointed speeches. But let's not dwell on that shall we? I already have for the past day. I'll try to remember the good times of the infamous friday night, like the conversations about pants, and the trunk excursion. could it be considered an excursion? I didn't travel anywhere, not in my physical state anyway.
So folks, that will be all. Many, many appa-loggies to splandrawl and peter LOFSTEDT.. now let us never speak of this again. Starting.......NOW.
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| first log ever |
[28 Mar 2004|09:17pm] |
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Wow.. madness, just madness! Who'd a thought.. I have a live journal.. and I'm writing in it! I figgered that since Sooz-in was making this thing for me, i'd probably make her write in it for me too.. but I think I can hack it. This 'I' button totally, totally sucks. Anyway, let's so.. what do people write on these things. Oh, I know! I guess I'll make the obligatory livejournal list. conformity can be so easy sometimes.
Top Ten Reasons Why Sarah is a Conformist
- I have a livejournal
- I'm making this list
- I don't hate Ryan Oehlke (if you are Ryan Oehlke, or have some reason to be offended by this statement, don't. It's a joke. Take a joke, why don't you!)
- I like Dave Matthews
- I want to be Sandra, which has just been confirmed by me making (me means soozin) a lj, just days after San, queen of conformity, decided to make one. (To means soozin also).
- I keep using the word conform
- I keep using the word 'generic'
- Margo left her underwear at my house, so i picked it up with an old toothbrush, and quickly threw it in laundry basket. that pretty much speaks for itself
- I watch the OC
- I want to have Johnny Depp's babies
so there you have it, first super-duper livejournal entry number 1.. aint it great? Oh, the apple... it's just pure elegance! Good job Sooz
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| not dumpy |
[28 Mar 2004|07:20pm] |
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ima post to see how this things looking..
<3
xsusanx
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